How do you avoid the baby questions and the heavy fertility conversation? I mean, you’re at a holiday party! You just want to have a cup of egg nog that you’re allowed to drink, because after all, you’re not pregnant!
Relentless is a word that comes to mind when it comes to questions regarding your procreation. Nosey is another word.
Here’s an idea though, you do not have to answer every question that you’re asked. You do not have to spill your guts to every person who wonders when it’ll be your turn to be carrying around a baby bump. You do not even have to tell the truth- you can lie your head off if it doesn’t offend your own moral code.
Still drawing a blank about what to actually say when the inevitable inquiry about baby making comes?
Here are a few favorite suggestions, coming straight from people who’ve faced down that well meaning relative or friend:
- Drink heavily- they’ll either get that you’re not pregnant or be horrified that you might be!
- Buy a house. Buy another house. Buy another house. (Or your newly redecorated apartment). And take lots of pictures and offer to show them as soon as the questions start.
- Brag about all your travel plans to exotic places.
- Partake in illegal drugs (OK, not really, but there are a lot of “drugs” that are legal these days).
- Have a caffeine IV installed and walk around with it.
- Show off your steadily increasing savings account.
- Chain smoke cigarettes (again, not really, but it will shut people up).
- Drag out the shirt that says “I’m not pregnant, I’m just fat.”
- Flash your birth control pills.
- Wear a condom necklace.
- Remind everyone that you are barely a responsible enough person to keep yourself alive.
- Put a look of horror on your face when you’re asked to hold someone’s baby.
- Pull out your pictures that show off your spontaneous adventures.
- Describe your next vacation, based on driving around, riding all the most extreme roller coasters.
- Rave on and on and on about your current favorite band and your dreams about following them on their world tour.
- Show them the date on your calendar to go sky diving.
- Discuss how sleeping in until 11:30 am or 1:30 pm rejuvenates you.
- Discuss all the academy award nominated movies- because you’ve seen them all!
- Make them look at every single one of the 1,800 pictures you have of your fur baby.
- Brag about how consistent you are about using good birth control.