It’s a special day. It’s February 29th, 2016. A leap year. An extra day. An extra day?
It’s also the day after the Oscars. Possibly one of the most political Oscars we’ve ever had. Love it or hate it, there was a lot said last night.
So what, who cares, what does that have to do with infertility?
There’s the big picture— not the movies, but the real big picture. And what is that?
Why is infertility so important?
Infertility is not life and death, after all. And many of our loved ones do point that out to us. Typically? It's unhelpful to have it pointed out. It’s not cancer. It’s not heart disease. In fact, it’s barely a disease, right? Wrong.
Infertility is not life or death?
I beg to differ. Ok, I don’t beg, I just disagree— strongly.
Infertility is life and death. It’s the lack of being able to create a new life, a continuation of our family heritage. It’s the death of a dream, more than that; it’s the death of a future family.
Yes, it’s life and death. And yes, it’s a disease
A part of us dies— that part that is yearning to become a parent— when we discover that it’s not going to happen easily. Or maybe at all. The realization that there may not be a new life is crushing. Literally, the breath feels like it’s leaving the body and never going to return. Literally, it feels that way. Luckily, it’s not literal. We do breathe again. We do hope again. We do try again.
The big picture is that it’s not just about us. It’s about different views and seeing that, really recognizing that. It’s the global view and about how we treat the planet. It’s about the interpersonal and how we treat each other. It’s about us, you and me, and if we are willing to look at ourselves and make a genuine attempt to be honest.
Scary stuff. A lot of it got hit on last night at the Oscars. All the biggest stuff. All the "-ism’s". Our deepest fears. The darkest places that we go, together and alone. The places where we shut our eyes tight and where our eyes are wide open.
Chris Rock said a lot last night. We each had our own reactions and responses, no doubt. Funny. Uncomfortable. Astonished. Those were three of my reactions. And I kept watching and I kept listening.
#TwoFertilityWords based on last night’s Oscars and in honor of Leap Year- Resiliency & Rigorous.
Resiliency because we can recuperate— I have to believe that damage is not irreparable and that we can, with due diligence, heal. Rigorous because it is not easy, it’s work, hard work, sustained hard work. Thinking outside of the box work- willing to give up and up and up work.
We can do better. That’s what’s necessary.
Leap Year, every four years gives us a gift. A February 29th. Of course it’s not an extra day. It’s a day, with a different name. Why not take the gift? As a reminder that it’s a day, today, a special day. One that will never pass our way again.
Yep, I’m going with Resiliency & Rigorous
For all those parents to be out there- you’re my big picture, my global effort. You’re my community.
You are me.