kim-cattrall-childfreeGo Kim Cattrall! Childfree?

No.

You don’t have to have your name on a birth certificate to be a parent, to be a mother. Or a parent.

Kim Cattrall | Childfree Living Is Not Always Childfree

My sister Laura Ellen Rosenthal (otherwise known affectionately as Orly Ellen Rosenthal) is a perfect example. She is a beloved woman to many young people who do not live with her and are not being brought up by her. Her influence is widespread, not only as a teacher, friend, and mentor but also as a stalwart advocate even when the live in parents are friends or relatives. She’s about the children. She just doesn’t happen to have given birth to any of them. And she has chosen not to give birth and bring them up in the most traditional or easy to understand way. She’s my personal example and hero for being a parent who has not given birth.

That leads me back to Kim Cattrall. When she was in “Sex and the City”, she was the one uninterested in both marriage and children.

For herself.

Not for her friends, not even for her lover. Just for herself, those weren’t her choices.

She was an untraditional character who had the lady balls to say, “I love you, but I love me more.” We all have our own truths. We also have choices that are sometimes put in front of us that are not precisely, or even remotely, the choices that we wanted to be faced with.

I didn’t want to be an auntie. Or a godmother. Or a mentor. I didn’t want to continue to be a teacher and watch all my children go home to a mother at the end of the day. I didn’t want to be a big sister.

I wanted to be a mother. The traditional mother. To a child in my home. One that I tucked into bed. One that I woke up to care for in the middle of the night because of illness. One that I wanted to pull my hair out about because of said child throwing mashed banana on the floor just one more time, for the seven thousandth time of the day.

That was the child that I was longing for, the one who lived, laughed and cried with. Likely? It’s the child that you are longing for as well.

It’s the conventional, traditional motherhood and parenthood that many of us want. We want to be that father and mother that wipes away tears, sees the first smile and rejoices with the first steps. We want to be that parent that is the one that is relied on and blamed.

It’s what we want.

What's Your Fertility Choice?

Thank you Kim Cattrall, for reminding us, me, that if we can’t have what we want, we still have choices. If childfree living means that there is no child in our home, and it’s our choice only by default, not because you are embracing it, that we still do have choices. These were her choices, to be a parent from afar. Not my choices. Your choice?

We always have choices. Always. Always. Always.

We may hate them. We may see them as bad and worse and even unbearable.  Still we have choices. Really, we do.

To be clear, I never chose infertility. It was not my choice. I did not choose to be in a doctor’s office (no matter how fabulous and talented, dedicated and professional) over simply having hot sex with my husband and peeing on a stick and seeing the line appear. I did not choose infertility and fertility treatment. Sorry. It’s blunt, it’s to the point. Not my choice.

It was my choice, along with my partner, to go further when becoming pregnant wasn’t happening. We didn’t choose to try for years and years on our own. We choose to go to the fertility specialist. And when that didn’t work, we chose to go to the board certified Reproductive Endocrinologist.

And when oral medications didn’t work for us, we chose to use injectible medications. And when simpler procedures like IUI’s didn’t work for us, we chose in vitro fertilization IVF.

We did make choices. We didn’t like that these were the choices that we were faced with, but none the less, we faced them as those were the choices that we had in front of us.

No one ever held a gun to our heads. No one ever insisted we make the choices that we did. We could have stopped treatment at any time.

Our choice was to continue.

Our choice was to do everything that we could to have a traditional family. A child in our home. Being a mommy and daddy.

Making Hard Choices During Infertility

I love hearing about Kim Cattrall's choices. I have the utmost respect for her and love that she can see the influence that she has on the children in her life. I love that she sees herself as an extended parent and that she understands how important it is to have influential adults in all children’s lives.

We need her. We need Orly Ellen Rosenthal.

And we need to see that we can make choices even when they feel like the hardest choice in the world.

I say, bring it on. Let’s make these hard choices. Let’s do it with determination and conviction.

My #TwoFertilityWords for today?

PARENTHOOD & UNTRADITIONAL CHOICES

I know that’s three words.

Some days call for three fertility words.

What are your #TwoFertilityWords for today?

 

"'Meet Monica Velour' 17" by Canadian Fil Centre is licensed under CC BY 2.0.

Topics: Child Free

Lisa Rosenthal

Lisa has over thirty years of experience in the fertility field. After her personal infertility journey, she felt dissatisfied with the lack of comprehensive services available to support her. She was determined to help others undergoing fertility treatment. Lisa has been with RMACT for eleven years and serves as Patient Advocate and the Strategic Content Lead.

Lisa is the teacher and founder of Fertile Yoga, a program designed to support men and women on their quest for their families through gentle movement and meditation.

Lisa’s true passion is supporting patients getting into treatment, being able to stay in treatment and staying whole and complete throughout the process. Lisa is also a Certified Grief Recovery Specialist, which is helpful in her work with fertility patients.

Her experience also includes working with RESOLVE: The National Infertility Association and The American Fertility Association (now Path2Parenthood), where she was Educational Coordinator, Conference Director and Assistant Executive Director.

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