How much do you want to be protected? How much do you want to know about baby announcements?
Does it depend on any given day? Or who the person is who is newly pregnant?
There are better and worse ways to be told, right?
Infertility & Pregnancy Announcements
Some general not-so-great ways to find out or be told about an incoming baby:
- Facebook ultrasound
- Group text
- At your birthday celebration
Some general tactful ways to hear it and say it:
- In a private place, in a private way
- A phone call
- Way, way, WAY before the birth announcement (!)
How Baby Announcements Hurt
Being protected can feel patronizing and make you feel even more isolated than you may already feel, “I didn’t tell you earlier because I knew it would hurt you.” Yes, we understand why you didn’t tell us earlier, but now it hurts AND we feel your pity. Whether its truly pity or real concern for us, we can feel shame around needing to be taken care of in this way, at what we know is a happy time for you.
Protecting us adds to our feeling of being damaged and so fragile that we couldn’t possibly withstand your happy news. And you are right, it does hurt. And we often do feel damaged.
But infertility has an unexpected gift. We get up. We go to work. We cry. We laugh. We see movies. We take walks. We squabble with our partners. We go out to dinner. We find a core of strength that keeps us going. Keeping going is a strength that we may not have known that we had. We feel it– we are stronger than we realized. Our idea of ourselves, while challenged by the infertility label, also evolves to reveal the warriors that we are.
On a quest. Take no prisoners. We will get there.
We get up. We do it again.
And, our secret weapon?
We do not do this alone.
We do it with our sister/friends at our sides. Cheering us on when we feel cheerless. Providing hope when we feel hopeless. Reminding us that we can when we feel that we can’t.
Fertile Friends – Care For Us, But Don't Protect Us
So here’s what we want to ask.
Take care of us. But don’t protect us. We are not broken. We are not damaged.
Even when we feel that we are.
We are warriors.
And we will stop at nothing to build our families.
Don’t do it alone. Join us for Ladies Night In.
We’re right here with you.