What do you think is the single most uncomfortable subject for most Reproductive Endocrinologists (REI's) to talk about?
You know, fertility doctors, who look in women’s private parts for a living. Day in, day out, they look up our, wait for it, VAGINAS. Not only do look there, they look further, they look at our uteruses, our fallopian tubes and our ovaries.
No question. They get up there and very personal. The view is very, very personal.
They talk about our endometrial linings, how thick, how thin, how smooth, how uniform. They talk about how many follicles are in our ovaries and how well our ovaries are responding to fertility medications, whether or not they are growing quickly or sluggishly. Easy conversations about our fallopian tubes and the level of our hormones.
The conversations are pretty personal, just saying. For that matter, so is the view!
We get pretty used to the speculums and the knees apart and the gown that covers everything we don’t really need covered and nothing that is normally kept private from casual viewing.
In all meanings of the term, we are wide open with our fertility doctors. This is not even mentioning the conversations that the men “donating” sperm have to have with our doctors. (Donating, that’s a term that actually stands for WHAT?)
And that’s the truth- there’s very little that is not exposed when it comes to our relationships with our REI’s.
Then what is is? What is the subject that makes most fertility doctors, if not blush, mighty uncomfortable?
Have you guessed it?
Yes, that’s right, sex.
Sex – The Final Frontier In Fertility Treatment
Amazing too the terms that get used instead of sex. Sexual relations at least comes close to actually using the word sex. I’ve heard about fertility doctors using the term “doing it”, “getting it on”, “making whoppee” . Those are the creative ones- the more mundane terms that get thrown out there are what you would expect.
There’s the technical and incredibly frosty, “sexual intercourse”.
The oh, so wrong, coming out of your doctor’s mouth who’s seen your vagina 300 or more times, “making love”.
How about the doctor who stammers while trying to express that this is the month “you can try on your own”? Don’t you just want to ask them innocently, “try what?” Just so that you can hear their follow up.
Sex. Is it the final frontier about what we can discuss while in fertility treatment?
And if we think saying sex is bad, just imagine if you were to imply that maybe, just maybe, you were asking about this for FUN. You know, having sex for fun. Not reproduction. Imagine the words that you might use to indicate that you were going to have fun sexual relations. There are a few of them around, most of which I will not use here even though writing vagina is perfectly acceptable.
You could probably publish an entire dictionary on the terms used for sexual intercourse.
What’s your favorite? Come on, I want to know- email me at FertileYoga@gmail.com
So vaginas are all good. Fallopian tubes perfectly fine. Uteruses are a wonderful topic of conversation.
Just don’t bring up sex.
And if they’re uncomfortable with sex, can you imagine how it would go if you went a little further and asked them about the o word?
I can only just imagine the blushing, stammering and mild sweating that would go on around that conversation.
Picture it- “doctor, would having an orgasm while in the midst of sexual relations help conception?”
Can you imagine a more politically correct sentence.
Asking Your Fertility Doctor About Sex
Pretend this is mad lib and fill in the blanks:
My partner and I want a baby, so we ____________ (verb). A lot. By the way, how often should we __________ (verb)? How many days should we wait in between?
After one year of _______________ (verb) at least ____ (number) a week, we are still not ____________ (adjective).
Is there something that we are doing wrong? Should we try a different _________(adjective) ___________ (verb)?
Does it make a difference how ________(adjective) we feel? Because sometimes I just think we’re __________(verb) to get it over with. Is it necessary to have a ________ (noun)? Or is it ok if once in a while I just do it to get it over with? Is it ok if it’s just an average _________ (noun)?
Most importantly, how often can I __________ just for the fun of it? I don’t want to screw up (pardon the pun, could NOT resist) __________ (verb), but boy, it gets tedious only having to ____________ (verb) to try to get ___________ (adjective).
Come on, humor me. Humor YOU. Fill it out. Expand on it. Send it to me or just laugh out loud at home.
Infertility stinks, but having a good laugh can make it stink just a little less.