baby_showers_stink_when_you're_infertile.jpgDid you know that there are a combination of letters that strike terror in the heart of every woman staring infertility in the face? And nope, they're not fertility treatment acronyms like AMH, BACF, FSH, LH, DET, SET, IVF or IUI.  

They're R-S-V-P.

And they stand for exactly what you think...a request for a response to an invitation. An invitation to...wait for it...

A baby shower.

Seriously, as someone struggling with fertility, it is one of the last places on earth that you want to be.

Two ways to excuse yourself from a baby shower invitation

Letting that bounce around our brains a bit and after discussions with some of the lovely ladies that attend our fertility support group (Ladies Night In), we've come up with a couple of ways you can deal with these invites.  

1) The polite (and way-to-keep-your-friends) way

Everyone has a straight-forward, polite excuse for why you're not able to attend a baby shower. (Insert first, second or third birthday party.) They're probably not the real answers...but they are the answers that are socially acceptable and keep you from opening a political or social can of worms.excuses_not_to_attend_baby_shower.png

They include:

  1. have plans that were made months ago.
  2. My mother (father, sister, brother, best friend) had surgery and needs me to help them that day.
  3. I will be away on a business trip that can't be cancelled or rescheduled.

2) The excuses-that-you-really-want-to-give way

Infertility is frustrating and it makes it hard to keep the answers you would truly enjoy giving, from bubbling to the surface. No, they're not real either, but they effectively communicate how frustrated you really feel and that you SERIOUSLY don't want to go to the shower. 

  1. I have explosive diarrhea.
  2. There's almost nothing I would rather be doing less that day, except maybe getting hit by a truck.
  3. In fact I'm in fertility treatment and need to go under anesthesia for a procedure that day.
  4. I'm entering rehab tomorrow.
  5. I couldn't care less about your shower.
  6. Is it BYOB or more open bar? And will there be dancing on the tables?
  7. Will be in bed with a hangover (or a book, or asleep) or sitting on the couch watching a Real Housewife's Marathon.
  8. My dog needs a bath. (I need to wash my hair.)
  9. It's laundry day.
  10. Bummer - that's the day I usally clean the toilets in my house - and they're REALLY gross right now.
  11. I have a communicable disease.

The whole truth and nothing but the truth.

You won't speak the words offered in option two, even though it would be highly satisfying. And you probably won't share these either, even though the reality is, this is how you really feel:

  1. Because buying a baby gift will make me cry.
  2. Because I'm happy for you, but really, really sad for me.
  3. Because I'm afraid I will never have what you are celebrating.

The real women behind this post.

We have so much grattitude for the the strong, healthy, capable, hopeful, worthy, beautiful, persistent Ladies Night In women from Danbury and Norwalk for all the help, insight and real feelings they shared for this post. We couldn't have done it without you!

Never tried a Ladies Night In? If you want support from a non judgemental group of women who do not feel sorry for you and are willing to cry and laugh with you, give us a try. We have a blast!

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Topics: Support, Women's Health

Lisa Rosenthal

Lisa has over thirty years of experience in the fertility field. After her personal infertility journey, she felt dissatisfied with the lack of comprehensive services available to support her. She was determined to help others undergoing fertility treatment. Lisa has been with RMACT for eleven years and serves as Patient Advocate and the Strategic Content Lead.

Lisa is the teacher and founder of Fertile Yoga, a program designed to support men and women on their quest for their families through gentle movement and meditation.

Lisa’s true passion is supporting patients getting into treatment, being able to stay in treatment and staying whole and complete throughout the process. Lisa is also a Certified Grief Recovery Specialist, which is helpful in her work with fertility patients.

Her experience also includes working with RESOLVE: The National Infertility Association and The American Fertility Association (now Path2Parenthood), where she was Educational Coordinator, Conference Director and Assistant Executive Director.

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