Planning, Predicting, and Finding a Solution to Infertility

fertility-planningLife is unpredictable. I know that. I don’t like it, but I know it. I had an inkling of it before infertility moved into my life, but boy, did I get it afterwards.

In terms of unpredictable for instance, it’s not supposed to be snowing out right now. It’s not supposed to be sticking. It’s not supposed to accumulate. The weather folks may have gotten it wrong for today because as of right now, it’s doing all those things.

It’s a good thing I didn’t live at a time when the only way to predict the weather was to experience the weather.

Hmm.

Predict and plan.

Experience and respond.

When it comes to infertility treatment, which are you more comfortable with?

Predicting and Responding to Infertility 

Predicting and planning when it comes to creating your family has already hit a major curve with the delay of infertility. (Notice I said delay? For so many of us, that’s what it will be. A long or short, expensive or not, delay. Not a death sentence to our hopes for a child. Much more bearable to consider it the delay it most likely will be.)

For those of us out there who like to control things, infertility and fertility treatment is a major blow. Fertility treatment rarely goes in a straight line. The whole point really, is to discover pieces that might be contributing to the problem conceiving and then deciding how to handle those pieces. We are actively looking for problems, assuming that they are there. Finding the problems also gives us more information, especially when it doesn’t go smoothly.

When problems are found, they can be addressed or circumvented. At the very least, they are brought out into the open and discussed thoroughly. That moves us into experience and response and away from predicting and planning.

Unexplained Infertility

Although no one likes to find problems, it is expected that when conception is not occurring that something is wrong, be it big or small. One of the more frustrating diagnoses is idiopathic infertility. That would be unexplained infertility. Unexplained infertility simply means that the tests which we currently use are not sensitive enough to pick up the problems that are occurring and getting in the way of conception. It doesn’t mean there’s no problem or conception would occur in a reasonable amount of time.

So we hope for a problem that we can identify?

And then we further hope for it to be a problem that can be solved easily and quickly?

Doesn’t that seem so odd?

Be Prepared to Feel Unprepared

This moves us way away from predicting and planning. It moves us into the realm of being open to what is actually happening as opposed to what we want to happen.  When it comes to infertility, as with many other health problems, we need to be prepared to feel unprepared. We need to be ready to hear what we don’t expect to hear. We need to drop assumptions and deal with the reality right in front of us. Because we all know if wishing, praying or hoping that infertility would go away worked, none of us would have to be in fertility treatment.

So it’s snowing out. And it’s not supposed to be. And it really doesn’t work with my plans for the day.

I have choices to make. I can pretend its last week when it hit almost 70 degrees and go out in a light coat with no gloves and hat. I can go about my daily business and assume that I can get where I want to go in the same amount of time it would take if the skies were clear.

Or I can look at the snow flurries and prepare the best I can.

Yep, winter coat, hat, gloves, and extra water in the car. That’s as prepared as I need to be.

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Topics: pregnancy, Unexplained Infertility, Fertility Plan

Lisa Rosenthal

Lisa has over twenty-five years of experience in the fertility field. After her personal infertility journey, she felt dissatisfied with the lack of comprehensive services available to support her. She was determined to help others undergoing fertility treatment. Lisa has been with RMACT for seven years and serves as Patient Advocate and the Strategic Content Lead.

Lisa is the teacher and founder of Fertile Yoga, a program designed to support men and women on their quest for their families through gentle movement and meditation.

Lisa’s true passion is supporting patients getting into treatment, being able to stay in treatment and staying whole and complete throughout the process. Lisa is also a Certified Grief Recovery Specialist, which is helpful in her work with fertility patients.

Her experience also includes working with RESOLVE: The National Infertility Association and The American Fertility Association (now Path2Parenthood), where she was Educational Coordinator, Conference Director and Assistant Executive Director.

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