No Baby. Not Yet.

Babies blanket but no babyYou want to know?

You sure you really want to know?

The truth?

Behind the “I’m fine”?

The reason why I’m in tears. Again.

If you’re sure you want to know.

Here it is.

No baby.

No pregnancy.

No news.

No good news.

Not yet.

Test after test coming back, not in our favor.

No baby.

No pregnancy.

No good news.

Maybe never.

 

I’m trying.

We’re trying.

We’re doing everything we can.

We’re moving mountains.

Spending money we don’t have.

Taking medications we don’t want to take.

Following directions we don’t want to follow.

Having procedures we don’t want to put ourselves through.

 

We’re hoping.

We’re praying.

We’re staying as positive as possible.

We’re begging.

We’re crying.

We’re asking, in very loud voices.

And in very gentle ways.

 

No baby.

Not yet.

Maybe never.

 

There’s strength.

There’s resilience.

There’s heroism.

There’s more than meets the eye.

There’s power coming from strong desire and need.

There’s being bitterly disappointed and standing up again.

 

Still, right now.

There’s no baby.

No good news.

No one to hold in my arms and smell sweet baby smells.

No pregnancy.

No due date.

Not yet.

 

Maybe next time.

 

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Topics: Poetry, waiting

Lisa Rosenthal

Lisa has over thirty years of experience in the fertility field. After her personal infertility journey, she felt dissatisfied with the lack of comprehensive services available to support her. She was determined to help others undergoing fertility treatment. Lisa has been with RMACT for eleven years and serves as Patient Advocate and the Strategic Content Lead.

Lisa is the teacher and founder of Fertile Yoga, a program designed to support men and women on their quest for their families through gentle movement and meditation.

Lisa’s true passion is supporting patients getting into treatment, being able to stay in treatment and staying whole and complete throughout the process. Lisa is also a Certified Grief Recovery Specialist, which is helpful in her work with fertility patients.

Her experience also includes working with RESOLVE: The National Infertility Association and The American Fertility Association (now Path2Parenthood), where she was Educational Coordinator, Conference Director and Assistant Executive Director.

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