Infertility Or Something Entirely Different
I just want this weekend. Simple as that.
I don’t just want this weekend.
I NEED this weekend.
A little time off from obsessing on this, that and the other thing.
Funny thing is, that it being Friday, Saturday or Sunday won’t really prevent me from obsessing because it’s still me. Yes, I bring me wherever I go.
And I’m still not that adept at turning my brain off.
Obsessed? Infertility has you wrapped around its little finger? Wondering every other moment how big your follicles are, how many there are, how your progesterone level is? Feel obsessed even if you aren’t clinically obsessed?
Is an infertility diagnosis taking up so much real estate in your brain that it’s crowding out almost everything else?
I don’t know what you’re going to do about it. I know a few things that don’t work when I’m in that state. Which I am right now, just not about fertility treatment.
Secrets About Obsession
A short list about obsession and what doesn’t work for me:
1. Chocolate. There’s actually not enough chocolate in the world to make me stop thinking this way and there’s definitely not enough chocolate in the world to make me feel more comfortable.
2. Alcohol. So momentary a release and not at all guaranteed to work for me. In the past, it has been known to actually make it worse. I have never noticed that a hangover has helped either.
3. Anger. Ah, and this is such a particularly easy and accessible one for me. I carry the possibility of this one wherever I am, able to come up at any moment. Still, it doesn’t help and leaves an even worse hangover than alcohol and chocolate combined. Invariably, when I indulge in this one, I have a whole slew of apologies to make as well. Which I rarely feel like making.
I’m stuck with what does work, even when it isn’t working. How do I turn my heart and mind away from something that I can’t fix or solve instead of obsessing?
Same old, same old.
8 Tips to Relieve the Struggle
Meditate. Even when it doesn’t work. Especially when it doesn’t work. Longer when it doesn’t work because it gives me pause.
Quiet time. Need it more when I don’t have time for it.
Looking up and out. Followed behind a car last night (very annoying, they drove way too slowly) and started to notice how their headlights danced in the trees, lighting them up momentarily. So very pretty and like a calmed down version of a concert light show. Made me smile.
Sleep enough. Yes, regularly sleeping well is one of those fundamental requirements in life.
Be courageous enough to tell my friends that I’m struggling instead of telling them I’m fine. Talk about what I’m obsessing about (or not) and then ask them about them. Change the subject. Listen with my whole being instead of nodding and secretly continuing to obsess about myself.
Eat properly. It actually doesn’t help to have a stomach ache, headache, hangover or guilt on top of obsessing.
Gratitude list. Ten things every night. Even on a day which has felt just plain awful.
Trust that it will lift. Not as quickly as I would like. Not always precisely when I think I am ready. At some moment, I will realize that it’s been ten minutes without the burden of my obsession. Or a whole hour!
And so on.
My love and compassion to all of you out there struggling with an obsession.
Follow Lisa on Google+