Fertility Commitments to Myself
With infertility, I spent so much time--seeing myself for what I did not have, what I was not, what I could not do. That was what I saw and felt when I looked in the mirror; what reflected back to me was what I could not do. What I was not.
I was not fertile. I was not enough. I could not do what I was designed to do; born to do. I could not do what I so deeply and genuinely dreamed of; conceiving a baby.
I spent enough time in fertility treatment that I got tired of that view. Eventually, I chose to look at myself differently. It took diligence and time. There were plenty of slip ups and back sliding. I persisted. I made the commitment to myself to see something different in the mirror.
Here were some of the choices that I made in looking at myself. Some of them I made more frequently than others. Some I repeated every single day. Some I repeated several times a day. Some I literally chanted in the morning and evening.
Infertility Support - A List of Reminders
I found it comforting to remind myself that I was more than infertility or fertility treatment.
Here were the things that I chose to see about myself; that I chose to say, in the most loving possible way:
I will hold myself up tall, with pride
I will think well of myself and my partner
I will remember that I am a whole person, not an infertility diagnosis or a sperm count
I will remind myself that I have value and worth, whether I am pregnant or not, whether I am a parent or not
I will see myself as healthy and strong
I will do what I need to do to create my family
I will breathe deeply and think clearly
I will see those things in my life that I want and all ready have. I will feel gratitude
I will see how incredibly beautiful I am when I look in the mirror
I will surround myself with people who love and respect me
I will see the growth that is happening because of the circumstances that I am experiencing
I will rest and know that it will restore me
I will sleep well
I will eat healthy foods, most of the time
I will respect my body and notice all the ways in which I am healthy and vibrant
I will remind myself that I learn something about myself every day and that what I have learned about myself because of infertility is that I am strong and courageous. I know how much easier it would be to accept my infertility and remain childfree. I will remind myself that I am brave enough to move forward and farther than I thought I could in my goal of becoming a parent.
I will embrace myself as I am, in this moment; strong, vibrant, smart, funny, healthy, vital, loving, loved, gracious, grateful, confident, beautiful and fertile enough.
I am enough. Just as I am, in this moment.
What do you tell yourself?
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