Fertility Treatment Guilt

path-to-fertilityattitude awareness during fertility treatmentContributing to your own demise.

Is that like digging a hole and climbing in? Adding to your own miseries?

I think it probably is like that. We do that, a lot, with fertility treatment; it’s called guilt. What we should have done. Could have done. Should not have done. Started younger. Knew more about our own fertility. And more. 

May I just say though, that I don’t think this is about blame? Or guilt.

How often do we accept that we are doing the best that we can? And that even if it is not what we would like to be able to offer to ourselves or others, it’s the best that we can do in that moment. Sometimes what we have to offer is miniscule compared to our expectations. Sometimes what we have to offer looks an awful lot like sitting on the couch too much, watching too much of whatever our favorite show is at the time. Sometimes our best is taking a thirty minute walk, even if running marathons is what we used to do.

The shame and guilt that we heap on top of ourselves is probably far more damaging than anything we are eating or any exercise we are not doing.

That’s hurting us from the inside out. Where no one else can see it, but we feel it. And it matters a lot more how we feel than how we look. What if we wore our misery on our faces instead of in our hearts? And so our faces looked the way that we felt and our hearts felt relieved at being able to be honest and express what really was going on.

The word fine is a perfect case in point.

What a stupid word.

Attitude Awareness: Are You Really Fine?

What does it mean? I know at least one meaning that I cannot write here because I really try hard not to curse. Here’s the G-rated version: f**ked up, insecure, neurotic and excessive. Make your own version. I think mine today would look something like this: flighty, indignant, neurotic, exhausted.

What does your version of fine really mean?

Here are a few good words to choose from:

F-fearful, frantic, frightened, freaking, frenzied, fatigued, fuming, furious, forlorn, full of faith, fervent, fanatical,  fixated, fabulous, fulfilled

I-insecure, irrational, interested, insightful, illogical, insensitive, indignant, intelligent, intuitive, impatient, intolerant, impressive, inspired, irked

N-neurotic, nourished, nervous, numb, needy, natural, nurturing, narrow minded, notable, nasty, normal

E-emotional, excessive, exhausted , engaging, enraged, excited, eager, enthusiastic, edgy, extraordinary, encouraged, epic, enthusiastic, energetic, empowering, efficient

I’m setting an intention for tomorrow. Here’s what Fine will look like for tomorrow. Writing it on a post-it note and putting it on the bathroom mirror.

F - full of faith

i - inspired

n - nurturing

e - efficient

When someone asks me tomorrow how I am, I will say I’m fine. And I will mean it.

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Topics: Feelings, Support, Fertility Treatment

Lisa Rosenthal

Lisa has over thirty years of experience in the fertility field. After her personal infertility journey, she felt dissatisfied with the lack of comprehensive services available to support her. She was determined to help others undergoing fertility treatment. Lisa has been with RMACT for eleven years and serves as Patient Advocate and the Strategic Content Lead.

Lisa is the teacher and founder of Fertile Yoga, a program designed to support men and women on their quest for their families through gentle movement and meditation.

Lisa’s true passion is supporting patients getting into treatment, being able to stay in treatment and staying whole and complete throughout the process. Lisa is also a Certified Grief Recovery Specialist, which is helpful in her work with fertility patients.

Her experience also includes working with RESOLVE: The National Infertility Association and The American Fertility Association (now Path2Parenthood), where she was Educational Coordinator, Conference Director and Assistant Executive Director.

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