Fertility Blog Apologies
Recently on this fertility blog, I wrote a post called Infertility @#*&! Words, and asked a question.
What are the things that you are asked about having children that are distressing, upsetting, or just plain insensitive? Even if not meant to be unkind or hurtful.
I asked the question and someone answered me. Here was her answer:
“I dislike when people not even going through ivf say “so overwhelming". How do u know? Be considerate and understanding... If someone was fighting cancer would u tell them it was overwhelming!”
How did I read this?
I thought she was talking to me, about me! I felt attacked.
Infertility Emotions and Triggers
Sigh. Every time I think I am completely over my infertility emotions, something comes up and triggers a response in me. Infertility hits such an essential, primal place in us that the feelings can reverberate for a very long time.
Want to hear the snotty response I gave? After feeling sorry for myself that I got a first “negative” comment in four years?
How do I know? Six and half years trying to conceive, that's how. Four of those years in treatment. More IUI cycles than I can remember, as well as IVF cycles. That's how I know. I know because I experienced it. All of it. My friends getting pregnant, while I did not. Baby showers that were not for me. Birth announcements while I was lying on the couch recuperating from surgical procedures to help me get pregnant. And yes, cancer is overwhelming too. I've supported family members through it. Absolutely overwhelming!
Some people find it considerate and understanding to acknowledge that what they're going through is overwhelming. I was certainly overwhelmed. Luckily not every minute, but many, many minutes, I was. This blog comes from my own experience, my heart and daily conversations with those men and women still trying to conceive.
I'm interested in knowing what you would consider considerate and understanding? What would you prefer to hear to support you? I'd really like to know. Thanks for writing and letting me know how you felt about what I wrote. Sorry it didn't help you.
Keep reading, I'll keep what you have to say in mind.
Sigh. Yep, I owe this woman an apology!
Here’s what made me remember how much I love my life and my friends (thanks Greg for pointing out my misunderstanding her comment!) and the universe.
I’ve gotten hundreds of comments on the blog in the almost four years (birthday coming soon!) that I’ve been writing PathtoFertility. Most from men and women that I don’t know and have not met.
Fertile Yoga Class and A Gift from the Universe
I was preparing to write my mea culpa, apology note on the blog and didn’t get to it because I needed to drive to Trumbull to teach our first ever Fertile Yoga class in RMACT’s beautiful new space.
We were chatting before class (because we do a little peer support first and get to know one another), and one of the lovely ladies there said this, and I quote:
“I hate hearing about how overwhelming fertility treatment is. Would you say that cancer is overwhelming?”
I got very focused. And of course I asked the obvious question.
“Did you post a comment like that to the blog last week?”
How do you not appreciate the universe when she plops the very person that I need to apologize to right in front of me so I can do it face to face?
And right after I had given her a beautiful bracelet from a former RMACT fertility patient who wanted to share her strength with women still struggling.
Oh yeah. I love the universe.
And just for the record, that was also my first snotty response to any posting on the PathtoFertility blog.
And also my last.
From now on, I read more carefully. I check my own reactions more thoughtfully. And I remember that infertility is still a little closer than I sometimes realize.
Thank you universe! And Greg for pointing this out.
Thanks for the opportunity to apologize in person. I probably appreciated it even more than she did.
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