Parenting After Infertility

parenting after infertilityI saw the first signs of fall yesterday.  One tree, of so many green, that has the flaming colors of autumn. Orange, yellow and even a tinge of red.

 

Seeing the hint allowed me to enjoy the gorgeous weather of the summer in a more delicious way. The colors, the temperature, the breeze, the lack of a jacket; the pieces of summer that mean the most to me.

 

I am honored and privileged to know quite a few of my Fertile Yoga students for many years. Many of them are mothers now. And I know their babies. Some of them I watch turn into children, toddling about.

 

Do they enjoy their children more than moms and dads who don’t struggle with infertility?

 

Yes.

 

Do they appreciate precious moments more?

 

Yes.

 

Do they sigh over the milestones with a view to the past in their minds?

 

Yes.

 

Do they love their children more?

 

No.

 

Do they enjoy colic?

 

No.

 

Do they enjoy cleaning up diapers when a baby is sick more?

 

No.

 

So maybe the answer to the earlier questions needs a qualifier.

 

Yes, we have a different sense of parenthood when we are aware that it almost didn’t happen. Most things that we struggle with, we do appreciate more.

 

Do we love our children more?

 

No.

 

Do we want more for our children?

 

No.

 

Do we appreciate some moments in a different way?

 

A resounding yes.

 

And do we feel guilt?

 

Yes.

 

For not appreciating every single moment because it’s what we wanted so much, so who are we to complain?

 

A simple way to put it, perhaps, but there is guilt that we heap on ourselves for being moms and dads.

 

Somehow what we expect is that because infertility came and stayed for a while that we will never be tired parents. Or exhausted parents. Or disgusted parents. Or resentful parents. Or parents who simply want 13 seconds to ourselves.

Fertile Yoga Parenting Truths: Glory and Exhaustion

And, oh, my Fertile Yoga students who have become parents will tell you this: once these wanted, desired babies get here, you will still get tired. And overdone. And overwhelmed.

 

You will simply be a parent. Infertility or not.

 

Once our babies, our children, arrive, we become parents.

 

In all its glory and exhaustion.

 

No guilt, moms and dads out there, who are feeling exhausted. You earned the right to feel tired.

 

When our children arrive, we feel those changes seismically. We see the season behind us and know that time has passed and we have become who we wanted to become.

 

Parents. 

 

Lisa Rosenthal's Google+

 

 

Topics: Parenthood, Support

Lisa Rosenthal

Lisa has over thirty years of experience in the fertility field. After her personal infertility journey, she felt dissatisfied with the lack of comprehensive services available to support her. She was determined to help others undergoing fertility treatment. Lisa has been with RMACT for eleven years and serves as Patient Advocate and the Strategic Content Lead.

Lisa is the teacher and founder of Fertile Yoga, a program designed to support men and women on their quest for their families through gentle movement and meditation.

Lisa’s true passion is supporting patients getting into treatment, being able to stay in treatment and staying whole and complete throughout the process. Lisa is also a Certified Grief Recovery Specialist, which is helpful in her work with fertility patients.

Her experience also includes working with RESOLVE: The National Infertility Association and The American Fertility Association (now Path2Parenthood), where she was Educational Coordinator, Conference Director and Assistant Executive Director.

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