Jimmy Fallon and Nancy Juvonen Share Surrogacy News
I'm still not sure why Jimmy Fallon and Nancy Juvonen used a surrogate. Which is totally ok with me as it is none of my business.
Like many other people who work with infertility and fertility treatment, I applaud them both for speaking up about having used a gestational surrrogate.
That's probably not my business or yours either. OK, it's definitely not our business.
But by sharing their news, their way of creating their family, they have opened a door.
I don't believe that they've opened the door to telling us all the details of their medical conditions that led them to using a surrogate. Am I the only one in the country who, frankly, doesn't care?
Gestational Surrogates Create Families, Not Secrets
What I do care about is that the door they've opened allows us in and it also allows something out.
Secrecy can't survive in the daylight. And neither can ignorance.
And that's huge.
Gestational surrogacy is an option that is used to create families. It is not an option that is often talked about because it is still true, very true, that we feel shame around infertility.
We feel less than, ashamed even, that our bodies don't work properly to conceive and carry our children. So we don't talk about it. Or worse, we pretend and even lie about the circumstances of our childrens' births.
What about privacy? Aren't people entitled to that? Even if they're a celebrity?
It's clear to all of us that privacy is a hard won commodity if you are a celebrity. Even when tons of money are thrown at keeping their lives quiet and private, unless they very deliberately step out of the public eye, privacy is elusive.
Huge Thanks to the New Parents
So huge thanks to Jimmy Fallon and Nancy Juvonen for accepting the lack of privacy and not keeping it a secret or lying about it. It frees all the rest of us to admire them and it educates the world about what gestational surragacy is and is not.
They're already great parents. Making decisions about disclosure and honesty took a lot of courage and that's what makes great parents.
Congratulations to Jimmy Fallon and Nancy Juvonen. On the birth of their daughter and the birth of their family and on letting the secrets slip into the darkness.
photo credit: nan palmero