Waiting for A Baby
I saw my baby everywhere.
I saw all the details.
My Grandma's smile.
My Father's belly laugh.
I pictured my children.
Well before I saw them in my life, I saw them in my heart.
There was a picture reflected back in my breath.
I imagined the pictures in the frames.
One for my mom, as she became a mother to a mother.
The face smiling back at me, echoing the smile sitting in the high chair, eating bananas.
Each frame showing me all the things that I was dreaming of; my life as a mommy.
I could see it so clearly.
But it never showed up on a pregnancy test.
And I kept waiting to fill those frames. To see the reality of my child's face.
Patience came to live with me instead. Settling in like a thunderstorm on a humid summer night.
Not what I was hoping and dreaming of; not the face of my baby.
Patience kept me company during many two week waits. During many courses of fertility treatment. During many breaks from treatment cycles.
What I wanted was to see my baby looking out to me from those picture frames.
And I was willing to do anything I needed to make that happen.
So I learned patience.
And I pictured my babies.
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