Decision Making and Infertility - Taking Control
Decision making is hard enough when it’s a little no big deal decision. Tea or coffee. Turkey or chicken. A dress or pants. Which movie to go see. Some of us spend more time than is logical even about those little stylistic decisions.
Then the decisions get bigger. Where to live. To take a new job or stay with the one that you have. Buy a house or not. Where to spend a vacation and with whom.
When it's time to have children.
That tends to be a big one. One that many of us consider carefully. Sometimes it’s something that happens before we are ready. I know that. Chances are if you are reading this, that’s not your situation.
Infertility can be a real shock. Most of us assume this is a decision that is ours to make.
It’s a shock and almost an insult when it turns out it’s not.
We are used to having choices. More than that we are used to having decisions to make. Most of us are not in life or death situations where we can barely count on survival. We have choices about what we eat, what we wear, what we spend our time doing, who we spend time with and so on and so forth.
Is Infertility the First Time We Can't Make a Choice?
Infertility may be the first time we can’t make a choice.
I'll tell you what.
It pissed me off.
It still pisses me off when I don't get what I want, when I want it.
Infertility was huge though. Knowing that there was only a limited amount of things that I could do, that pushing harder, faster, more, wasn't going to solve the problem.
That it might take longer than I would like.
And my deepest fear, that it would not happen at all. That there would be no pregnancy.
So I made decisions. Over and over again. To take breaks from fertility treatment. To try treatments that I had questions about. To see an infertility therapist who specialized in these problems. To share what was going on with me with some people. And not with others.
I made decisions and changed my lifestyle. Started to practice yoga regularly again. Ate in a way that was healthier and fed my heart as well as my stomach.
And I reaped the benefits of each decision I made.
None of them made me pregnant.
But each decision I made and adhered to enhanced my life. Made me feel stronger, more capable.
Each decision that I made that I could enforce helped to make me feel whole and complete.
Pregnant or not.
And those were some of the most sustaining decisions that I've ever made.