Fertility Cycle Miracles - Expectations and Waiting
You're expecting no.
Your fertility cycle went badly.
The timing was off.
The medications worked too quickly/too slowly/weren't quite right.
You had too many follicles/you had too few.
Your progesterone and estrogen levels were too high/too low/all over the place.
Your eggs/embryos looked tired or over enthusiastic.
Your IUI or IVF cycle was almost cancelled more than once due to a huge response or a tiny response to the medications.
One of those cycles where nothing went right. Even your board-certified reproductive endocrinologist had a hard time putting a positive spin on things and he/she tried. Hard.
Still, you get the pleasure of waiting for a negative pregnancy test. Because you know it will be negative. How could it not be with everything going wrong from start to finish?
A phrase comes to mind, actually, it's the second phrase that comes to mind. The first one, I'm not going with because I do try not to swear too much on PathtoFertility.
Let's go with the second one.
"It's why they have horse races."
You never know who's going to win the horse race until the race is actually raced and over. We know there are odds and then there are odds and there are even overwhelming odds. And we know that the payoff is still not made until the first horse noses its way past the finish line. Because it's sometimes that horse that few people have bet on that comes from behind to astound everyone to take first place. To win.
We all know how hard it is to find the balance with hope. Not too much, so your feelings don't take that dreaded tailspin if you are disappointed. Not so little that you feel that you are are all ready living into a negative outcome.
Just enough hope. Just enough understanding that the answer is not known.
Here's one thing we do know. One of those things that I personally find happy-making and uplifting.
What we thought we knew about embryos and how they look, reflecting how healthy they actually are, is much less than we realized. With CCS (Comprehensive Chromosomal Screening), we've learnt that when we look at all of the chromosomes, what they look like on the outside is not always reflective of how healthy they are on the inside. In other words, they can look beautiful and not be healthy. They can also look kind of awful and be absolutely perfect and healthy.
To quote from the RMACT website:
What is Comprehensive Chromosome Screening (CCS)?
Aneuploidy is the term used to describe any embryo with either too many or too few chromosomes. Most people are not aware that aneuploidy is the cause of greater than 60% of miscarriages, as well as the most likely reason that patients do not get pregnant from an in-vitro fertilization (IVF) cycle.
The purpose of CCS, Comprehensive Chromosome Screening, is to analyze, select and transfer only embryos that do not have abnormalities in their number of chromosomes. Screening embryos in advance can help achieve higher implantation rates and fewer pregnancy losses, particularly for women 35 or older, couples with multiple-failed IVF cycles or implantation failure, and couples with repeated miscarriages.
Waiting to hear whether the pregnancy test is positive or negative is hard, really hard. When it's been a rough cycle, when things haven't gone well, it becomes even harder. If you're really feeling like you are just waiting to hear no, that's the worst of it.
Just keep in mind. They run the horse race. They don't just give the ribbon to the horse that's supposed to win. On any given day, any horse in the field can win.
And so it goes with a fertility cycle. A good one won't work.
And a bad one can.
We know how hard it is to wait.
I know how hard it is to wait.
We're waiting with you.
Lisa Rosenthal's Google+