Posied on the Edge with Infertility
There are other things I should write about today.
Explaining IUI's- intrauterine inseminations. Reminding us to take care of all of our other health needs even while struggling with infertility--go to the dentist!
Instead, I keep getting a message from the Universe.
And apparently, I need to be hit over the head about it. Here's why: I get the first message and it seems like a good possible idea.
O.K. Didn't quite get it.
I get the second message and it starts to sound more well rounded, more coherant; that it's the right idea for the writing for the day. Still, not entirely convinced.
Then the messages come flooding in. If you're a Harry Potter fan, think about the invitation to Hogwarts. Where thousands of letters fly in through the chimney, from hundreds of owls. It's a great visual.
Nope, sometimes there's no escaping what is right in front of you.
It started yesterday, with a dear friend coming to visit unexpectedly. Unexpectedly, only in that I had forgotten I had invited her! Hey, we all have days like that.
It worked out perfectly. The paints were out on the table, there was food to be cooked. Our day commenced. We painted, laughed, cooked, ate, drank, watched in awe as the snow started to fall . . .
She laughed when she realized where our conversation started and made the comment, "We never start in the shallow end, do we? We just dive right into the deep end."
Listening to Clues from the Universe
Clue number one.
Clue number two, reading what Martin Luther King, Jr. said, 50 years ago. (Read blog from yesterday: Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. - Why We Can't Wait.)
Clue number three, reading the following, "Living life is much more than just being alive. I can choose to jump in with both feet. Wisdom awaits me in the depths."
O.K. I don't actually have to be hit over the head to get the message. Even though it sometimes feels that way.
I spoke with a beautiful woman yesterday who had a horrific loss. The kind we are all afraid of, that nightmares are made of. She is very dear to me and I listened to her as she spoke about her experience.
What wisdom, what maturity, what vibrancy.
Who she is speaks to the idea of jumping into life with both feet.
She and her husband made hard, painful choices. They didn't shy away. They didn't stick their toes in and decide it was too cold, too rocky, too anything. They dove in. Confident that they would make the right decision and that they wouldn't drown.
And so they didn't.
And through her tears and her pain, I heard her living life with her whole heart. Diving in and knowing that eventually she will come up for air and the descent down will follow with an ascent up.
I don't dive into the deep end easily. I let fear get into my way. Caution is an excuse for avoiding the free fall and the not knowing.
Fertility Treatment Decisions
Fertility treatment can be daunting. It can be slow and methodical, having testing and more testing. Waiting for results. Waiting for appointments. Waiting for our cycles to start or end.
Still, there comes that point. That decision.
You're poised on the edge.
To live your whole life.
To dive in, with your whole heart.
We're here, when you're ready.