The Importance of Sleep | May Is Better Sleep Month

Better Sleep Month and the Importance of Sleep

It’s Better Sleep Month (BSM).  Yes, there is a month dedicated to raising awareness just for that.  Likely, none of us have forgotten about the importance of sleep, though it may be time to renew a commitment to getting sufficient rest.  According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), insufficient sleep is a public health epidemic.  In honor of Better Sleep Month, let’s take a moment to revisit the importance of sleep.

 

Photo: Flickr Creative Commons (cvrcak1)

Sleep and Health

Sleeping is one of those fundamental requirements in life.

 

On a list of priorities, it's pretty high up there.

 

We all realize that we can't live without food and water.

 

We don't often recognize our dependence on our breath and our sleep.

 

Maybe that sounds ridiculous. 

 

Maybe not.

 

Food and water are things that we need to actively seek out. We need to plan, buy, prepare and eat our food. If we don't, we're hungry. If we don't, we're not nourishing our bodies. If we don't, we end up very unhealthy. Food is a tough one, because we have to eat to live, but in our society, there are so many unhealthy choices that becoming overweight is a frequent problem. Eating for reasons other than hunger is very common. Many of us do that, rather frequently.

 

You don't really hear that about breathing, except from us crazy yogis. Breathing is something that most of us don't over do. It's impossible to receive anything but healthy effects from breathing. Even if you breathe too much or too consciously, there are health benefits and very little downside.

 

Then we get to sleep. 

 

And here's the thing. We do more if we sleep less. 

 

Most of us are over busy and want to do more.

 

So we do more, we sleep less.

 

What else happens? 

 

We are more irritable, less productive, less clear headed. Our blood levels are totally whacked out, as are our hormone levels (have you had an appointment with Carolyn Gundell, MS, RMACT's fertility nutritionist?) and we age faster without the restoration that sleep offers.

 

Sleep is not what you should give up. Especially while you're trying to become pregnant.

 

A wise woman said to me recently that she values her sleep as much as she values her awake time. That she sleeps with as much integrity as when she is awake.

 

Consider that.

 

How to Sleep Better

 

Do you have any ideas of how to get more sleep more or how to sleep better? I'm happy to print them here. Click here for some tips on how to sleep better from the Better Sleep Council.

 

Let me know what else you want on the list.

 

Lisa Rosenthal's Google+

 

 

Infertility Means Your Period is Not Always the Point

Trouble Getting Pregnant and the Menstrual Cycle

If you are having trouble getting pregnant, and you are lucky, you are continuing to get your period.

 

Why lucky to get your period when you're trying to get pregnant? Isn't the first sign of pregnancy not getting your period?

 

Your menstrual cycle is a sign of reproductive health. Getting your period regularly may mean that you are ovulating normally and/or producing an endometrial lining that is building and then shedding.

 

These are all indications of good reproductive health. While each of us mourns when we get our period, that once again we are not pregnant, still it is healthier than not getting it.

 

If you are not getting your period regularly or you have not gotten your period for months or even years at a time, you are in good company. Unfortunately, if you have PCOS (polycystic ovarian syndrome) or other hormonal imbalances, not getting your period is more the norm than getting it.

 

Getting your period means that this month you are not pregnant.

 

Getting your period also means that your endometrial lining is shedding because your hormones and endocrine system are sending all the signals that are needed to set up your cycle for the following month.

Supporting Reproductive Health

I’m not a doctor and I’m not explaining this in a professional way. I’m not trying to. I’m reminding all of us that getting our period is almost always a sign of reproductive health.

 

That our bodies are working more properly than not.

 

If you are not getting your period, there is help available.

If you have PCOS or a hormonal imbalance, medications can regulate your system so that menstruating will occur more regularly. In no way does not getting your period mean that you are doomed to failure. Not at all. What it does mean is that there is a different path, an alternate route, that you will be following.

 

It all comes down to the same thing. Whether you are getting your period regularly and mourning it or not getting your period and mourning that, getting pregnant is a good possibility with the right help. Going to a board certified reproductive endocrinologist is the first step.  

 

Lisa Rosenthal's Google+

 

 

Signs. Stop. Yield. Detour. Road Closed. Infertility?

Infertility and Interpreting Signs

I look for signs everywhere.

 

It works out well.

 

I find them everywhere.

 

I find stop signs in a lot of places, usually on corners. Yield signs, informational signs, push, pull, open, close. They are usually quite basic. And often they are in direct opposition to one another.

 

Photo: Flickr Creative Commons - Brad Folkens (MobilFunk7)

Some are very black and white.

 

Stop.

 

Not if you feel like it or are in the mood.

 

Stop.

 

Yield.

 

Let the other person go first.

 

Another way of saying wait.

 

Push.

 

Move it away from you.

 

Pull.

 

Bring it towards you.

 

One of my favorite moments that I remember quite frequently happened while I was really struggling and feeling a lot of pain.

 

Making the effort to go to a 6:30 a.m. yoga class in a studio almost 40 minutes away, I was tired to begin with and the sun had not even risen yet. The sun started to rise while we were in practice.  Right beside me was a window, shining out into the light. As it became lighter outside and the colors began to saturate the landscape, I noticed a sign.

 

It said “Road Closed”.

 

That’s different than detour, which to me means go around. Find another way.

 

Nope. Simply road closed.

 

Being deep into a self pity party at that particular moment of my life, I almost giggled.

 

Yep, road closed.

 

Nothing like a road closed to make me want to go there.

 

Yeah, laughing at one’s self is not a bad idea. My pity party started to evaporate, lift off my shoulders. The sun was rising, with or without my feeling sorry for myself.

 

And as the light flooded into the room, as my heart opened to something other than my own small miseries, I saw it.

 

And now, yes, I did laugh out loud.

 

Road closed.

 

And on either side of the road that was closed was a road leading up to the top of the hill.

 

More than one way to get there.

 

I loved it.

 

Signs are there with infertility as well. Maybe one road is closed. Maybe eight roads are closed.

 

Find the way to your dreams, to your family.

 

Let us know how we can help. 

 

 

Lisa Rosenthal's Google+

 

Medical Monday! Infertility Style

What's Reliable? Medical Monday and Infertility Information

The internet can be a dangerous place. With infertility information, maybe with anything. After all, if you ask for advice, where else but the internet can you get seven million plus suggestions?

 

Infertility on the internet, like almost anything else, will offer seven million ideas. Things you should do. Things you should not do. Things you should NEVER EVER do. 

 

And yes, I'm laughing.

 

You know why, right?

 

Because if you look hard enough and spend enough time on the internet, you will find that those things you should ALWAYS do and those things you should NEVER do, will be precisely the same things on different websites. 

 

Of course not every one of those seven million websites is created equal. Some are more reputable than others. We have a list of those on the RMACT website (which is a reputable website in of itself).

 

Here’s a twist though, that I’ve been hearing a lot lately.

 

Finding a website or professional to confirm what you would like to believe.

 

The internet is perfect for that.

 

That’s why there are still folks out there who write back to the emails sent to them about a stranger in Iran who wants to give them twenty million dollars.

 

Because we want to believe what we want to believe.

 

Doesn’t make it real though, does it?

 

Because you can find confirmation on the internet, does not make it true or right or believable. Or even safe.

 

Sorry if I’m bursting a bubble here on a Monday. Is it too early in the week for bubble popping?

 

I’m not trying to tell you what to believe.

 

I am suggesting that you pay attention to who you are listening to; to make sure that what you are hearing is being confirmed by a source that you trust and respect. And not just because they are agreeing with what you all ready would like to be real.

Remembering The Emperor's New Clothes

It’s kind of like the Emperor with no clothes on. If you don’t remember, here’s the basic plot:

 

The emperor hires some weavers for an extraordinary amount of money to create a set of clothes for him the likes of which no one has ever seen. And lo and behold they do. They create a set of clothes that no one can see.

 

They tell him that only extraordinary people can see the type of weaving that they will create; mere mortals will not have the ability to see the fine clothing. They show him the beautiful thread that they put on the loom and they show him the material as they are weaving it. Scissors clip merrily along and knots are made carefully. The robes are pressed and carefully hung up.

 

And the emperor believes what he is told. Or he is too embarrassed that he cannot see what they are creating because that would make him a mere mortal and after all, he is an emperor.

 

He places these imagined beautiful items on, exclaiming on the richness of color and delicacy of texture.

 

With great pomp and circumstance, he greets his kingdom for them to admire his beautiful new robes.

 

And he’s naked.

 

But that’s ok, because they all tell him what he wants to hear. Some out of fear, some out of embarrassment that they cannot see what clearly everyone else sees.

 

There’s always one in a crowd, though, thank goodness, who is willing to tell the truth as they see it. In this case, literally.

 

“The emperor is naked.”

 

Might want to consider when someone offers to make you clothing whether they are making your underwear as well. Just saying, it could be less embarrassing!

 

Be open-minded, be open-hearted. It’s hard to hear bad news. It’s natural to want to find something to dispute it, to find something or someone that says something different. When you’re reading on the internet, see who is speaking to you, what their agenda may be. See how much research or data supports what they are purporting. See if it lines up with the medical community and if not, consider where it veers off the path.

 

There are plenty of types of treatment that can complement and enhance your possibility of becoming pregnant. They are not all medically approved or proven, we all know that.

 

Still, for me, I’d rather not walk around naked unless that is truly my intention.

 

Lisa Rosenthal's Google+

 

Fertility Treatment - The Two Week Wait

Negotiating the Two Week Wait

There is a pause when we are in the midst of fertility treatment.

 

It is not so affectionately referred to as the two week wait.

 

It’s when there is very little to do but just that.

 

Wait.

 

You’ve done the stimulations, you’ve done the blood draws and ultrasounds and procedures.  You’ve taken the medications and seen your hopes go up and down and now there’s nothing to do but wait.

 

We’re waiting to see if it worked. And by worked, I mean, are we pregnant?

 

That’s all we really want to know.

 

Has it happened?

 

A lot of us start to feel mysterious symptoms that tell us, absolutely, that we are or we are not pregnant. We may feel nauseous or not nauseous. We may feel fatigued and so we are pregnant. We may feel full of energy and so we are pregnant. We may feel precisely the same and so we are not pregnant.

 

This is pure and simple, crazy making.

The Most Difficult Time of Fertility Treatment?

In fact, most of us find this time period more difficult than any other during the course of fertility treatment. Because there’s nothing tangible to do. It’s where we can relate more easily to the men in our lives than at any other time of fertility treatment.

 

We hear over and over again how often men want to fix something; do something; anything at all. And here we are, feeling precisely the same way.  Can’t I do something, anything?

 

Sometimes we just feel like if we do everything, every step, exactly right, it will work. Eat exactly the right foods, sleep enough, avoid anything with alcohol or caffeine or sugar or bad fats or bad carbs, and the list goes on and on and on.

 

Maybe if we don’t feel stress at work. Or we don’t raise our heartbeat over what it takes to walk ten feet. Maybe if we don’t argue with our mothers, friends, partners. Maybe if we finally take that meditation class.

 

Isn’t there anything at all we can do besides go crazy waiting?

 

Yes. We can distract ourselves. Read a good or bad book. Watch movies. Talk to friends and family members. Garden. Walk. Listen or play music. Play games. Knit. Draw. Paint. Write. Play darts. Wash your dog. Go to a museum, comedy show, play, casino, sports event, concert.

 

Yes. We can also breathe into quieter places and find strength from within. And I guarantee it’s there. I don’t guarantee much in life, that’s not my place or my job. But I guarantee this. If you are going through infertility and fertility treatment, you have an inner strength that you can engage and find comfort from. I absolutely guarantee it. One hundred per cent. It’s there. If you’re not sure how to find it or what to do with it if you should stumble across it, call me, we’ll figure it out together.

 

It’s not only possible to make it through the two week wait, it’s possible even to find moments of peace during it.

 

Let me know if you need help, that’s what I’m here for.

 

Lisa Rosenthal's Google+

 

Cancelled for Tonight: No Fertile Yoga or Prenatal Yoga, Thurs. 5/16

Cancelled for Tonight: No Fertile Yoga or Prenatal Yoga

Thursday, May 16, 2013 Only

 

Fertile Yoga and Prenatal Yoga are cancelled tonight, Thursday, May 16, 2013.  We apologize for the same-day notification.  Thursday classes will resume next week as scheduled.

 

Fertile Yoga in Brookfield, CT on Friday

 

Yes, Fertile Yoga class in Brookfield, CT is on as scheduled tomorrow night, Friday, May 17, 2013.  Please join us from 6 p.m. to 7:15 p.m.

YogaSpace 777 Federal Road Brookfield, CT

Fertile Yoga is free. Classes will be on-going; come every week or once in a while, whichever suits you. Come alone or bring your spouse, partner, friend or family member. Yoga, meditation and deep relaxation can help men and women experiencing the challenges of infertility. Fertile Yoga helps couples relax and relaxation can help one make more satisfying decisions, communicate more clearly with their doctor, and sustain treatment with a more positive perspective.

What you need:

• comfortable, loose fitting clothing
• a yoga mat
• bottle of water
• two pillows (optional)
• avoid eating one hour before class

Fertile Yoga was created and is taught by Lisa Rosenthal RYT -200 (Registered Yoga Teacher). Lisa is a former fertility patient, who has been working for over 2o years as a national patient advocate for couples going through infertility. Lisa is uniquely qualified to understand the specific stresses and challenges that couples trying to conceive encounter. Fertile Yoga is designed with different diagnoses and treatment plans in mind. It is a gentle, restorative class that includes meditation.

 

Questions?  Contact Us.

Infertility Hygiene - Let's Practice It Together

Good Hygiene, What's In Your Practice?

I pride myself on good hygiene.

 

I brush my teeth every morning and evening and often after lunch. I floss.

 

I wash my hair. I take showers regularly. I try to sleep enough.

 

I wear clean clothes, which means thinking ahead so that they don’t get left out for the cat to make herself at home on.

 

I don’t really spend a lot of time thinking about these things. They are part of my routine. I definitely don’t take time to debate these things; whether I should or should not do them. Whether I need or do not need to do them. I just do them. Part of life.

 

What about good mental hygiene? What about the tapes that run through my head that are less than supportive or helpful?

 

In Fertile Yoga last night, during guided meditation, towards the end, I talked about taking a shower.

 

Letting light flow down from above, coming over the crown of our heads, and streaming down into the earth. A spiritual shower. That cleanses us. Releases thoughts that are stale, tired, and just plain old and outdated. Washes away thoughts about infertility that harm us from within.

 

That we are damaged. That we are less than. That there is something wrong with us. Or that we are not fully men and women because we are not conceiving.

 

That we are broken.

 

Most of us practice good hygiene, most of the time. We clean ourselves, without it being a big production, just as part of our normal routine.

 

How about adding this spiritual cleaning? Closing our eyes, seeing ourselves, standing under this spiritual shower, letting light flow into and over and carrying down into the earth these thoughts that are so burdensome and heavy.

 

Let’s put them down. With lots of help. With time in routine. With practice. Just as we brush our teeth, let’s cleanse our emotional and spiritual selves as well.

 

Repeat after me.

 

I am beautiful.

I am graceful.

I am healthy and capable.

I am whole and complete.

Try that three times a day for two weeks.

 

Let’s see how we all feel afterwards.

Anyone in?

 

Lisa Rosenthal's Google+

 

Infertility Is Not Cancer - Angelina Jolie Has Double Mastectomy

Angelina Jolie's Double Mastectomy: Looking at Choices

Angelina Jolie had both of her breasts removed. She writes about her decision in a NY Times op-ed "My Medical Choice" published today.  She did not have breast cancer.

 

Yet.

 

The word yet serves two purposes; two definitions.

 

Yet, she is statistically predisposed towards it.

 

Yet, she wasn’t afflicted by cancer when she made the decision to have her breasts removed.

 

She could afford to make that decision.

 

Afford.

 

The word afford serves two purposes here; two definitions.

 

One, she could afford, bear, the financial resources to have the gene testing and surgery and follow up surgical procedures done.

 

Two, she could afford to have her breasts removed because they are organs with which we can live without.

 

Just like our ovaries, uteri and fallopian tubes.

 

We can live without them.

 

But we can’t conceive, become pregnant or carry a baby without them.

 

We can do those things without breasts. We cannot breast feed after mastectomies.

 

But we can conceive and carry a pregnancy to term without our breasts.

 

I believe that Angelina Jolie made the right decision for herself and her family. Everything I’ve read has been thoughtful and insightful. Not that it’s really any of my business to approve or not to approve.

 

This was a personal decision that she made. She chose to share it publically. Not everything that she is saying resonates with the public. She’s talking about her own personal experience. While I’ve not had breast cancer or a mastectomy, a very close loved one or two, or three, have. I’m glad that Angelina’s recovery, both physically and emotionally, was so gentle. She’s clear the whole process is not so gentle. It’s painful and challenging and debilitating. Some will argue that she downplayed the recuperation; I know what I bore witness to was not what she described. Again, this was recounting of her own personal experience. And maybe it’s even only what she’s decided to share. She may not want to share each detail. Her right. Her choice.

Personal Choices During Infertility

Infertility and fertility treatment is also personal choice. Personal choice based on disease. Unlike the statistics that the gene BRAC1 represents, infertility, disease of the reproductive organs, is present when it interferes with pregnancy.

 

We come back to definitions.

 

Infertility.

 

Infertility, a disease or malfunction causing reproductive organs not to operate properly.

 

Infertility, an inability to become pregnant after one year of correctly timed sexual intercourse.

 

Infertility, the inability to carry a healthy baby or pregnancy to term.

 

Infertility, whether able to be pinpointed and specifically diagnosed or not, causing a woman the inability to become pregnant or stay pregnant to deliver a live baby.

 

Angelina Jolie made a choice. While three thousand dollars for BRAC1 testing feels outrageous and expensive and creates an elitism situation in our country, it barely registers for me.

 

Why?

 

Sounds insensitive on my part. Unintelligent even. Distinctly un-feminist.

 

Yeah, it even feels that way to me.

 

So why? Why my lack of reaction to the three grand for the testing?

 

Medical Insurance Coverage for Infertility

 

Because I sit with men and women three times a week, every week, in Fertile Yoga, in Ladies Night In, I correspond with them through the blog, who have no medical insurance for reproductive disease, also known as infertility.

 

That’s why.

 

Because we’re talking about thousands of dollars. Sometimes tens of thousands of dollars. Sometimes over and over again.

 

No reimbursement. No insurance coverage.

 

I have enough moral fiber to expand and so I will make that choice right now.

 

It’s reprehensible that testing for BRAC1 is three thousand dollars, uncovered by medical insurance.

 

It’s as reprehensible that medical treatment to correct or compensate for infertility creates the financial burden that it does, unrelieved by medical insurance.

 

Because, I’m sorry, the take away message is that if you are poor or uninsured, or underinsured or your insurance specifically excluded infertility treatment, then you are not going to be treated for your medical condition of infertility.

 

Just as if your family history would indicate BRAC1 testing is necessary and you didn’t have the three thousand dollars.

 

I’m glad that Angelina Jolie spoke up about this. I’m glad that her chances of developing breast cancer have gone from 87%, all the way down to 5%.  I’m glad that she and her family came to a decision that they could afford to support.

 

Afford.

 

Definition.

 

They had the money to have the testing done.

 

We don’t all have that.

 

Lisa Rosenthal's Google+

 

 

Egg Freezing Explained - Different Than Embryo Freezing

What Is Egg Freezing vs. Embryo Freezing?

There is a lot of confusion out there about the difference between embryo and egg (oocyte or ovum) freezing. 

Embryo freezing has been around for well over two decades. Embryos that have been frozen have been successfully thawed and transferred even after fifteen or more years of having been frozen. An embryo is described as the fertilized (by sperm) ovum after it has begun the process of cell division. 

Oocyte or egg freezing is a much younger technology. It's really only been in the last several years that it has been done successfully. Just this past fall, ASRM (American Society for Reproductive Medicine) removed the "experimental" label from this particular technology.

"The report entitled “Mature Oocyte Cyryopreservation” replaces a report released in 2008 which had stated that the technique was experimental and should only be offered in that context.  The current report examined nearly 1000 published papers on the topic. While randomized controlled studies were rare, the Committee found sufficient evidence to “demonstrate acceptable success rates in young highly selected populations.”

Read on to hear what RMACT (Reproductive Medicine Associates of Connecticut) has to offer about egg freezing. It may be just what you are looking for or need. 

About Egg Freezing

Oocyte cryopreservation or egg freezing is an assisted reproductive technology (ART) for women who want or need to delay motherhood.

 

Oocyte cryopreservation can be the answer for a number of specific family planning and fertility preservation issues. For example, egg freezing may be a viable option for women who face surgery, radiation or chemotherapy that could leave their ovaries at risk, for single women who want to extend or postpone their reproductive options, or for couples who are undergoing in vitro fertilization (IVF) but who have moral or religious objections to freezing embryos that may never be used.

 

Fertility Preservation

 

Elective egg freezing for fertility preservation is now more commonplace. Some women have chosen to freeze and store their eggs because they want to postpone pregnancy and are concerned about fertility preservation. These eggs can be thawed and combined with sperm at a later date for embryo transfer.

 

Fertility Preservation for Cancer Patients

We have patients who are about to start chemotherapy treatment for cancer. Prior to their chemotherapy regimen, we can stimulate their ovaries and retrieve eggs for freezing. This process can move quickly, sometimes taking only a few short weeks, allowing the patient time to store eggs and providing them with reproductive options in the future.

 

Oocyte Freezing : Freezing Your Eggs

Freezing and then thawing human eggs is a complicated process. The egg is relatively large and made mostly of water. Managing the process so that ice crystals do not form and damage the egg is a major challenge. The procedure used to freeze eggs at RMACT is called vitrification. Vitrification involves cooling eggs to a very cold temperature for a brief period of time (minutes) with sugar based cryoprotectants that protect the inner workings of the egg while at the same time allowing them to be frozen.

 

The oocyte cryopreservation cycle (egg freezing) follows the same protocol as in vitro fertilization (IVF), including the use of self-administered hormone injections to stimulate the ovaries followed by an egg retrieval. The eggs are placed in a protective medium, frozen immediately and stored until the patient is ready to use them. The eggs are then thawed and each is injected with a single sperm to achieve fertilization. The resulting embryos are transferred into the woman’s uterus for implantation.

 

Egg Freezing in New York & Connecticut

 

Egg freezing is available at only a few major centers for reproductive technology, and the number of live births worldwide from frozen eggs is fairly small. For more information on freezing your eggs and the cost of egg freezing, contact RMACT.

 

Lisa Rosenthal's Google+

 

 

Mother's Day, A Special Hell for Fertility Patients (Or Not) | Parts 1 & 2

Part One: Mother's Day Misery

This is part one of a two-part blog. In Part 2, I will give an idea or two, a hint, some suggestions on how to plan a Mother’s Day that doesn’t feel just like suffering, suffering and more suffering.

 

To start, this blog is about the misery of mother’s day. Think of it as spring cleaning. We acknowledge the grief, pain, disappointment that we experience during Mother’s Day so that we can create a space that is open to receiving something brand new.

 

It’s the only way to do it, really. So I’m going to indulge in those feelings of grief. Some of you may recognize it as your own, some you may not. I know that a thorough cleaning is the best way that I can think to prepare a place for something more positive and beautiful to grow.

 

When I think back to my six-and-a-half years of trying to conceive and being in fertility treatment, there are so many low points. 

 

There were many, many high points. Many moments of joy. Many moments of light. And then there were the low points. 

 

The lowest, lowest, down and dirty LOWEST point of the year was always Mother's Day.

 

I wish I could say that I was a generous and gracious, loving daughter to my own mother on Mother's Day, but that would be dishonest. I know that she was hurting with me and didn't take tremendous offense at my bursting into tears at what seemed like inappropriate moments during our family's celebration of her. Still, it made for a very uncomfortable and stilted day.

 

There was no escaping it. Mother’s Day was blared all over the radio, TV, newspapers, magazines, and internet. There wasn’t a place to turn that wasn’t all about mothers and children. Babies, babies and more babies. Tender looks exchanged by mother and child. Cards with sloppy, painted handprints. Breakfasts prepared that are barely edible but put together with love and joy. Tear-jerking commercials (I always especially despised Hallmark's).  

 

It was a little like a train wreck. You could not help but gaze, fascinated, even as it ripped your heart out. Imagining what it would be like to get to be that pretty, perky, made-up mom, sitting in bed like a queen, receiving her ill-made breakfast and handmade cards. It’s hard to take your eyes away, from the vision of what you want for yourself.

 

Conversely, pulling the blankets over your head and staying in bed until the day passes may feel like an option too. I did that once or twice. Amazing how long a day lasts when you do that though. Even with junky books or silly movies to watch. There’s only so much that distraction works. When it came down to it, it just didn’t work for me.

 

So I cried. Sometimes. And I wrote. Sometimes. And I felt miserable and sad and bereft. Sometimes. The feelings kept recycling, sometimes spinning slowly and sometimes quickly. Every regret I ever had resurfaced, reflected back decisions I wish I had not made.

 

It was a little like having a fight with myself and pulling out the kitchen sink. You know those fights. The ones that aren’t fair. Where every unkind or thoughtless word you spoke came back and hit you over the head.

 

After a while of that, it didn’t feel healthy. A shower was in order. A walk, perhaps. A talk with an understanding friend. Holding my husband’s hand, with no words necessary.

 

And then, mercifully, the day was over.

 

Part Two: Mother's Day Management

I like lists. They get things out of my head and I feel clearer and more organized. I make a lot of lists because sometimes when I have one single thing in my head that thought bounces around and around and around, careening from one place to another, like it's in a pinball machine, getting knocked from one place to another until that one single thought feels like thirty. When it’s out on paper, on a list, it stays the single thought that it is. It’s manageable.

 

That’s what I always tried to figure out about Mother’s Day. How to make it manageable.

 

There was all that rational, cognitive self-talk. All the stuff that I knew:

 

• It’s only one day, I can do almost anything for one day
• It’s a Sunday so I can hide out at home in the worst case scenario
• I get to celebrate my own wonderful mother and mother-in-law
• Just because I don’t have a child this year doesn’t mean it will always be that way
• It’s a day like any other day, it doesn’t have to be more or less than that

 

Since those things weren’t overly comfortable, I went into my “what could be worse” list. Sort of like the anti-bucket list that I started recently. (That’s a whole different blog for a different day.)

 

• I don’t have cancer
• I have a wonderful husband, I’m loved and I love (Not so negative!)
• I’m not homeless
• I’m not jobless
• I’m not friendless
• I’m more healthy than not

 

And there I stopped myself. Because it was so obvious that making a list of things that I’m grateful for made so much more objective and spiritual sense than making a list of things that had the word not in it.

 

• I am healthy in most of my body, heart and mind
• I have a wonderful partner/husband
• I am loving
• I am loved
• I have a job that fulfills and delights me
• I am blessed with friends that support me, in good times and bad
• I have a house that feels like a home
• I look up and see the sky
• I am surrounded by birds singing and trees blooming and the world is beautiful when I stop and look
• I have interests that I can indulge in
• I am curious about life and find new things each day to explore
• I am growing each day, learning new things
• I have a family that I love and who love me
• I have a day in which I can create beauty and fun

 

Perhaps create a list for yourself for this Mother’s Day if you are not yet spending it as a mother. A list of things that you appreciate about yourself and your life. A list that acknowledges those things that light you up and make you so happy that you have a day to play with and in.

 

This Mother’s Day, I feel honored and privileged to be attending a wedding. To see two mature adults who have found true love and are celebrating it by uniting in marriage.

 

It may not be the way I would have chosen to spend Mother’s Day.

 

I have a brand new orange (yes, orange, yet another blog for another day) dress to wear. Vintage gold shoes that are so cute and comfortable that they are a delight. I get to dress up and witness love blooming, be waited on, look pretty, chat with people that I enjoy.

 

Am I going to enjoy Mother’s Day this year?

 

I am.

 

And I hope you are too.

 

Let me know if you need a little help. I’m here. Write and ask a question. Vent about how unfair life is (and it is, it is, it is!). Your comments come to me and me alone. They do not post automatically. Maybe it would help to make a list or write to a relative stranger.

 

And then get on with your day.

 

Sending you all loving Mother's Day thoughts. May next year, you have a baby in your arms.

 

Lisa Rosenthal's Google+