October 27, 2010

SHARE THIS STORY:

Wednesday text

Ok, so it's not really a medical piece today. I'm off a day. Tomorrow a medical piece, an update from ASRM! Today, Facebook.

Facebook is a wonderful way to re-connect with friends, colleagues, and even interesting acquaintances from the past.  


Great way also to connect professionally or network on a grass roots level. I admit to spending more time than I should on face

book, especially late at night.

I personally would appreciate not hearing about some of the minutia in other people’s lives, but that’s just me and if I’m bored or uninterested, I just stop reading. Even when I choose that option however, it pops up in front of me and I see it.

Here’s what I see, often.  Birth announcements, baby pictures, pregnancy stories, updates on children. Normal everyday stuff. Nothing unexpected, just the information that we pass around in our daily lives.

Wonder if anyone knows how those things pierce the heart of those of us in the midst of still trying to have our children?( I actually think yes, that many of our friends and families are more sensitive than we realize, but that’s another blog.) In case anyone out there didn’t

realize the far reaching effects of infertility, facebook is just another example of the spidery tentacles infertility has.

Here’s a truth. It’s impossible to avoid the pregnant bellies, even as it is impossible to ignore the pregnant silences when you say that you don’t have children. If you are married or in a committed relationship of more than, let’s say, a year, you know what I mean. And aren’t we lucky when they are simply pregnant silences and not invasive, insensitive and downright stupid nosey questions? (Yes, I am in a bit of a mood today.)

Coming back to facebook. What to do, what to do. It’s part of the reason that facebook exists and is so popular. It’s an easy, fast, inexpensive way to share information and pictures. (The pictures are the worst, aren’t they?) So what to do? Grin and bear it? Unfriend every single person that has children or might? Resign yourself that you may see news that will send you into a tailspin? Never go on facebook again?

Like every single other aspect of our lives, infertility affects our choices. And if you are waiting for an answer from me, sorry, I can only answer for myself. I picked and chose what events I went to, what announcements I responded. It’s when I first started practicing yoga, having nothing to do with downward facing dog or a yoga mat. It’s when I started to become present in the moment to how I felt and attempted to find balance between heart and mind. Completely heart led is unrealistic and often makes life feel even more like a roller coaster than it has to. Completely mind led and you run the risk of stuffing those feelings so deeply that they will come out in other, less appropriate, less understandable ways.

So, to facebook or not to facebook? That’s not THE question. But it is a question. Help each other out here with some suggestions. What you do may help someone else out who is unsure what to do. By the way, what I do is block some of the most likely culprits, only go on when I am prepared to see information that may upset me and make sure that my friends know I would rather hear certain type of news directly from them, rather than on the internet.  

Lisa Rosenthal

Lisa has over twenty-five years of experience in the fertility field. After her personal infertility journey, she felt dissatisfied with the lack of comprehensive services available to support her. She was determined to help others undergoing fertility treatment. Lisa has been with RMACT for seven years and is currently Patient Advocate and Blog Editor-in-Chief.

Lisa is the teacher and founder of Fertile Yoga, a program designed to support men and women on their quest for their families through gentle movement and meditation.

Lisa’s true passion is supporting patients getting into treatment, being able to stay in treatment and staying whole and complete throughout the process. Lisa is also a Certified Grief Recovery Specialist, which is helpful in her work with fertility patients.

Her experience also includes working with RESOLVE: The National Infertility Association and The American Fertility Association (now Path2Parenthood), where she was Educational Coordinator, Conference Director and Assistant Executive Director.

Let's Connect: