An infertility poem I wanted to share with you. I hope that you find something helpful or comforting or loving in it.... yes, it's about loss, it's also about hope and love.
This year, I grew a garden I tilled the soil and pulled the weeds I raised the beds and laid the seeds before the ground would harden I mixed the clay with fertile dirt worked the ground till my bones hurt
I tended to little seeds and out of dirt they sprouted bright soaking in the water, nutrients and light and I could feel my heart beat I delighted in the miracle that God and I could conspire to make a garden grow
I think I became obsessed Secretly planting through the night a butterfly garden to the left a water garden to the right and I wasn’t finished yet I planted bushes here and there I even planted trees, banana and pear
I was a gardener this spring basil, berries, melons, cilantro cucumbers, corn and little tomatoes fragrant, sweet and pretty things for surely if my hands can do all of this then my belly deserved nature’s kiss
As Autumn slowly takes over The harvest moon has come and gone my heart beat is not quite as strong My stride’s a little slower My tomatoes vines are turning brown And I can’t pick my knees up off the ground
The air this morning was cold My lush gardens have wilted away butterflies didn’t visit them today The pain in my stomach is getting strong And I am losing hope in the garden inside I don’t know where to go, whom to confide
This year I built a garden I watched it bloom and fade But I could not grow one in me My seedlings could not be saved I tried my best to build good soil but no amount of tilling, no amount of toil Could make my little garden grow From the inside out Will I grow a garden next year? Right now, I feel such doubt
I doubt and I cry I cover my face and hide Though my heart is broken I will not stop my stride I will continue to till the soil I will pull away the weeds I will feed the ground with compost And nurture every seed I will fill my garden with water And sun from up above But above all things I will give my garden love
One day a bean will sprout
And he will beam so bright soaking in the water, nutrients and light he will feel my heart beat and take in all the love I give As God and I will conspire to make a baby live
Lisa has over twenty-five years of experience in the fertility field. After her personal infertility journey, she felt dissatisfied with the lack of comprehensive services available to support her. She was determined to help others undergoing fertility treatment. Lisa has been with RMACT for seven years and is currently Patient Advocate and Blog Editor-in-Chief.
Lisa is the teacher and founder of Fertile Yoga, a program designed to support men and women on their quest for their families through gentle movement and meditation.
Lisa’s true passion is supporting patients getting into treatment, being able to stay in treatment and staying whole and complete throughout the process. Lisa is also a Certified Grief Recovery Specialist, which is helpful in her work with fertility patients.
Her experience also includes working with RESOLVE: The National Infertility Association and The American Fertility Association (now Path2Parenthood), where she was Educational Coordinator, Conference Director and Assistant Executive Director.