There are all kinds of ways to express the feelings that we have that are sometimes overwhelming. I write. I draw. I paint. I practice yoga. I read. I pray and meditate. I cry. I laugh.
One of our own, a patient here at RMACT, shared a beautiful piece of writing with me. With her permission, I am printing it here, unedited and signed with her initials only. Thoughts on fertility treatment. ~Lisa
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
By choice, I haven’t had alcohol in over six months. I thought it would help my fertility. Despite my unfortunate excitement to drink away my sorrow, I lost the taste for my once-cherished Chianti.
Even in the luxurious Waterford crystal glass, allowing the wine to breathe, my taste buds revolted with each smothering sip. I persevered, and finished the glass, never receiving the numbness of intoxication that could have compensated for my newly unearthed distaste of red wine.
I wanted to sleep, but the sugar of the wine and my screaming cat, caused a seven a.m. rise and shine. So I headed to fertility-unfriendly, hot yoga to sweat out the toxins.
The class was so crowded, I had to squeeze myself into the front corner - between the person behind me, the left wall, the front window display and the yoga instructor.
Each of the thirty-or-so times I inverted into downward facing dog, my necklace dangled, and its circle charm inscribed “believe” and the baby’s feet inside it kicked my face.
In the exact moment that I noticed the smell of rotting flowers, the instructor said “I’m so sorry that you’re almost doing your yoga into dead flowers. They lasted over a week. I guess it’s time to throw them out.”
Two frozen embryos were transferred. In a little over a week, the good news of my doubling beta subsided, only to learn the progression of my pregnancy had ceased.
In my meditative state, I pondered how Sheryl Crow might write this verse into her hit song “Isn’t it Ironic.” According to my body, I guess it’s time to throw them out.
Lisa has over twenty-five years of experience in the fertility field. After her personal infertility journey, she felt dissatisfied with the lack of comprehensive services available to support her. She was determined to help others undergoing fertility treatment. Lisa has been with RMACT for seven years and is currently Patient Advocate and Blog Editor-in-Chief.
Lisa is the teacher and founder of Fertile Yoga, a program designed to support men and women on their quest for their families through gentle movement and meditation.
Lisa’s true passion is supporting patients getting into treatment, being able to stay in treatment and staying whole and complete throughout the process. Lisa is also a Certified Grief Recovery Specialist, which is helpful in her work with fertility patients.
Her experience also includes working with RESOLVE: The National Infertility Association and The American Fertility Association (now Path2Parenthood), where she was Educational Coordinator, Conference Director and Assistant Executive Director.