There may come a time in your fertility treatment that the subject of egg donation is brought up; either by you or by your board certified reproductive endocrinologist (infertility doctor). This topic can stir up many strong feelings that would be best looked at before seriously considering this option.

Many of us have mixed feelings about being at a fertility program. While we may be very grateful that treatment is available to help us conceive when it's not happening the old fashioned way, we may also experience feelings of loss as well. Loss of privacy, loss of intimacy with our partner, loss of self esteem about our bodies not functioning properly, loss of having a baby at all (much less on the timetable we were hoping for), and so on. There are other losses, some smaller, yet just as poignant, that we feel intensely. It may be a loss of a friend who simply cannot be supportive or understanding. Or feeling left out of the "mommy" club. Or the feeling of dread when being invited to a baby shower.

Then the subject of egg donation comes up. And a whole other world opens up. The incredible positive aspects of this option are the ability to conceive, carry a pregnancy, give birth and nurse a child, where those things might not be possible otherwise. Egg donation can open up those possibilities when you and your doctor start to see that a viable pregnancy is unlikely any other way. How incredible that the fertility path that you are on can extend in this way instead of ending without a pregnancy.

While the loss of strict biological connection through DNA is something that we all experience as a loss with sadness, frustration and often anger, becoming pregnant, nourishing and carrying a baby and giving birth is an option that also allows us to feel a deep physical and emotional connection to our child.

Acknowledging feelings that are less than positive has become almost taboo in our society these days. We are encouraged by many sources to "manifest what we desire or need in our lives", "visualize the outcome "that we want for ourselves. And yes, I watched Lindsey Vonn go through her pre-Olympic ritual of closing her eyes and taking herself through the Giant Slalom course. I particularly love the story about Julia Mancuso (who won 2 silver medals in this Olympics alone) who drew a picture of herself winning Olympic medals when she was 8.

My own spiritual, emotional belief system rests on a version of these ideals.  I know that when I visualize what I want for myself that achieving it is more possible. Helps to put the work into it, though, doesn't it? Julia Mancuso's lovely picture of herself would be just a dream without all the training, hard work and many sacrifices and choices along the way. Some of the choices that we make when we have a goal are truly difficult, giving up things, including privacy, to achieve something else.

There also has to be an outlet for the anger, sadness and frustration that invariably comes up when we are working hard and sacrificing for a goal. I believe, with much support from my yoga training and personal reading and study that allowing our "negative" feelings out, offers comfort and release. That choosing to say them out loud or writing them down, gives us an opportunity to let some of it go, even if only momentarily. Lastly, I believe that allowing those feelings to see the light of day makes them less scary to feel and experience. You are not a bad person because you are jealous of your friends' pregnancy. You are also not the only one who has these feelings.

Consider this the first blog in a four part series this week on egg donation, third party reproduction, and assisted reproductive technology (ART) and, just as importantly, our reactions and responses to the subject. These are complicated options to consider and I want to see if we can help this week with seeing them more clearly.

I know that my over riding feeling is of immense relief and joy that these technologies are options for us; that we have fertility programs that can offer them in medically responsible ways.