In certain disciplines of yoga, questions or ideas are posed in the beginning of class to consider.
Recently, the focus was on change, which is inevitable. The second part of the thought was the question why.
Change is inevitable, time moves forward, choices are made, you move one way through life or another. Very often with infertility, you feel swept along by change as opposed to being in charge of your life; none the less, change comes.
The question of why and my reaction to it surprised me. My immediate reaction was, "why not"?
I was more than surprised, I was shocked. Kind of mindless, rather immature response, I thought.
You may think that I'm going to go in a yogi circle and find the upside to "why not", but in fact I'm not.
"Why not" can sound like it's an easy going, take it as it comes response. It can also be portrayed as a mindless, unthoughtful response.
Being present in the moment does not mean being mindless about the future that is only a breath away.
Infertility is powerful. You are powerful within your infertility. Being mindful, making thoughtful choices allows you to be present without resentment.
That's a mouthful. Present without resentment.
But you know what I mean.
Resentment builds up when you feel like you have no choice. That you are stuck. That the place you are, you have not chosen to be. That you have not chosen to be where you are and you hate being there and don't know how you can stand it one second longer.
That line of thinking was very prevalent while I was in fertility treatment. My level of resentment was huge.
Asking why at that point would have been a great way to focus my attention. I had an inkling that I needed that question; it was the reason that I took rather long breaks between treatment cycles. (I was very young- taking breaks was an option.)
I was in fertility treatment because I chose to be.
I did not have fertility as a choice.
I did enter treatment as a choice. I stayed in treatment as a choice.
And that's why, "why not?" is not an answer.
Make a choice.
We're here to help.