Why not ask family and friends for support while you’re going through infertility treatment? Here are comments that I hear frequently in peer support groups that address that question.
- I don’t want anyone feeling sorry for me
- I don’t want to be asked questions when I don’t want to talk about things
- They won’t understand
- They will say insensitive things
- It’s too private a conversation
- I don’t want people looking at my partner and I differently
- They’ve never been supportive before, I wouldn’t expect anything different now
- I’m ashamed
Seems to me, they all boil down to number 6, one way or another.
We are ashamed. We are ashamed of our bodies not working properly. Of not being able to do what our bodies were meant to do. We are ashamed of being older, having had a sexually transmitted disease, of having tubes that are blocked, too few follicles, blood levels that are not just right.
We are ashamed that we need help in achieving what others so effortlessly achieve. A pregnancy. A child. A family.
I am meeting and talking with so many women these days. So many of you are not talking about your infertility with your friends and family. You are not talking about your hopes, dreams, fears, excitement either. Your friends and family are not only missing out on the sadness, but on all of it.
When I speak with you, I get to hear all of it. I see you light up when you are full of hope, and in tears when you are full of fear and sadness.
Here’s what I want to tell you; you are all beautiful women. Not just beautiful looking. Beautiful. And you are more beautiful in your vulnerability then you are any other time. You do not look broken or incapable, or diseased. You do not look less than. You look honest. You look genuine. You look compassionate and authentic. You look strong and determined.
You simply look beautiful.
Thanks for sharing with me. Is there someone in your life who might appreciate seeing you as you are right now, someone you feel safe with?