Posted by Lisa Rosenthal on Thu, Jan 28, 2010 @ 02:18 AM
My blog today is all about questions and privacy. Perhaps pieces that you are all ready thinking about, talking about and considering. Privacy is about boundaries and limits. How do you ensure that you are setting limits that you feel truly comfortable with?
How do you feel about sharing information about your fertility treatment? Do you and your partner (if you have one) make the decision together? Do you limit the details about your IVF cycle, avoiding issues like how much medication you are taking or how and when the medications need to be injected? What about discussing how many embryos you have created? How many embryos you will transfer back to optimize your chances of a successful pregnancy? There's also the very sticky issue of what you will do with embryos that have been created that will not be transferred. (Check out the Newsweek web exclusive on January 20th that focuses on one of my closest friends, Pamela Madsen. Article is titled "What Happens to Leftover Embryos?" www.newsweek.com/id/231697/page/1)
How much privacy do you need to feel comfortable with yourself? Are you more concerned with those asking questions of you than with your own need for privacy? Does the "nice" come out in you, making you think you "should" answer questions that actually make you uncomfortable?
Do you have answers that you use that they are respectful answers to both you and the person doing the asking? Do you wish that you had answers right on the tip of the tongue for those times that you are not expecting a question or that specific question? Do you sometimes feel that once you have answered the first question, you almost have no choice but to continue to answer questions? That somehow, you have opened the door and therefore need to satisfy all that someone else wants to know?
Want to know why I'm asking these questions? (I did say this blog was mainly about questions.) Here's one of the few answers that I have for you today. I think that our learning how to answer questions, create limits and allow ourselves privacy about our infertility cycles and treatment ripples out to the rest of our lives. I think it is one of the most positive, silver linings to the struggles of infertility. Learning how to create privacy, (different from secrecy and shame, that's a different blog!) is a lifelong lesson that has served me very well.
Infertility taught me how to smile and answer exactly and precisely what I want, how I want and how much I want. A silver lining that I bring into all aspects of my life.