Infertility is Not the Price That You Pay for Lousy Decisions

Do any of you ever wonder if you deserve to be a mother or a father?

 

Is there some secret place in the back of your mind or heart that believes that infertility has affected you because you are not good enough, you did something wrong, something about you doesn't deserve being a parent?  

 

If you have that nagging suspicion, you are not alone. You are so, so not alone.

 

I have been fortunate enough to not have had cancer or cardiac problems or respiratory problems or many other medical problems or conditions.

 

Maybe I would blame myself. Maybe I would think it was my own fault for something I had or had not done.

 

I don't know.

 

I do know that infertility was not my fault. 

 

I also know that it's not your fault. 

 

It's not your fault.

 

Not even if you had a sexually transmitted disease that caused your infertility. 

 

Not even if you had an abortion that caused damage to your fallopian tubes or your uterus.

 

Or maybe it was your fault, as in it was an action that occured because of a choice that you made.

 

But here's the point. Whatever you chose to do or chose not to do, assigning blame isn't going to help.

 

Let's say it is your fault. You made a lousy decision or even a series of lousy decisions.

 

And now you're paying the price and you feel you deserve it because of the lousy decisions you made in the past.

 

Guess what.

 

That won't make you a lousy parent.  

 

In fact, learning from lousy decisions will make you a great parent.

 

Punishment for lousy decisions is not lifetime exclusion from parenthood. 

 

Doesn't that seem extreme to you?

 

Wouldn't it seem extreme if it were happening to someone else?

 

Would you consider forgiving yourself?

 

Would it be possible?

 

Could you consider forgiving yourself as you would forgive someone else?

 

Then get going with whatever fertility treatment you need to become a parent.

 

You'll be a great one.