Let's face it, infertility does not make anyone feel sexy. In fact, quite the opposite. Knowing that the anatomy is not cooperating does not make the heart, the mind or the libido feel confident or upbeat.
The whole concept that any of us are "less than" because of infertility does enter into this conversation. We are "less than" women or men because our reproductive system does not function perfectly normally.
We all know this isn't true. We do. But secretly, past our brains, in our heart, we feel that this is true. That without the ability to do easily, that which we were designed to do, that we are less than men and women.
After all, we were made to have babies. Women have wider hips made for childbearing, uteruses specially designed, menstrual cycles that ebb and flow in time with the moon and much, much more. Men make sperm, regularly, so as to have a fresh, healthy supply. They have errections so that the sperm can be placed in an optimal place for a woman to become pregnant.
Really though. How many of us ever only use our sexual organs when we want to have a child? Anyone? If our reproductive organs were only designed to reproduce, then why were they also designed to have the most sensitive tissue in the body? So that we could have sex every two years? Really? Come on. Doesn't make sense to me.
What does make sense to me is how most of us do operate in the real world. We have sex because it's enjoyable, because it creates intimacy, because it's a release. Not just because we want to have a baby and certainly, for most of us, not just WHEN we want to have a baby.
So is it possible to take reproduction out of sex? Infertility challenges will often do that for you. Often, in fertility treatment, we don't have to have sex to become pregnant, or only when prescribed. We are actually allowed to have sex almost whenever we want. Not a bad prescription actually.
It comes down to this. We take sex and intimacy out of infertility and treatment. Our feelings of being less than drain our libidos. Instead of enjoyment, sex and intimacy is a reminder of what our bodies are not cooperating with.
I'm not going to give you any easy answers here. As usual, I ask questions, try to raise awareness and ask you to ask questions.
Not being able to conceive is a tremendous heartache. Period. It made me sad when having sex with my husband was so drastically affected as well. Perhaps you have this in your life. If so, consider what can be done so that the losses around infertility don't start piling up too high.
Tomorrow, read what Dr. Cynthia Murdock wrote for you about infertility and birth control. And on Thursday, we'll resume the conversation about infertility and sexuality. If you have had problems responding to this blog, please try again. If you continue to have problems, please email me directly and let me know. firstname.lastname@example.org