Coping With Infertility
Our CT infertility program has been getting a lot of mail lately.
A lot of baby announcements.
Reminders of what we do and why we do it.
To create loving families.
To add to loving families.
For those of us still waiting, we wonder.
Will I be the one who doesn’t conceive.
Will I be the one who doesn’t have my baby.
Will I alone, be the only one who doesn’t have my family?
Will I be the patient that never leaves this infertility program?
Because the hard part is that there are no guarantees.
No one will say, “yes, after 1 year, 2 years, 3 years, you will have a baby”.
So we wait.
We wait with you.
We talk with you, laugh with you, cry with you.
We wait together with you.
You are not alone.
We know it’s hard.
No one wants to be the one left without a baby.
We’re here, with you.
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Struggling with Infertility
A common scenario when we are struggling with infertility is that we feel alone; we feel that no one truly understands the magnitude of what we are going through. We withdraw from friends and family because their concern, although well meaning, is frequently hurtful or intrusive. Even when our friends and family say precisely the right thing, at the right time and drop the subject the moment that you ask them to, we still experience pain. It makes holidays, get togethers, even simple conversations a strain where once it was easy and comfortable.
Peer Support Group Privileges
I feel honored to help facilitate a peer support group where we laugh, cry, help, support and educate one another. I’m very thankful and grateful for this group of women who show up, lay it on the line and tell it like it is. Relationships are formed and valuable bonds are made in these groups. Why can we tell strangers things that we cringe about sharing with those who love us?
Simple, really. We understand. We get it. Who else really does get what it’s like to go to friends for an evening and have to disappear into the bathroom? Together, I mean, your partner and yourself. LOL. Who else understands that it makes you want to laugh and cry at the same time? Who else understands that there’s a part of you that hopes your friends think that you are having hot sex in the bathroom, not getting a shot in your derriere? Who else understands that your vacation is being postponed because you’re in the middle of a cycle? Who else understands what it’s like to get one more birth announcement, one more whispered “I’m pregnant”? Who else understands our younger sisters conceiving and having children and our hearts full for them and breaking for ourselves?
Cultivating Gratitude: Make Your Own List
So for those of us who get it, here’s my list of things that infertility makes me grateful for, in case feeling grateful feels like a really big stretch, or even impossible:
- Ovulating each month
- Front desk person at your fertility clinic smiling at you
- Getting your period regularly
- Have insurance coverage for fertility treatment
- Have veins that cooperate in getting blood drawn
- Struggling with PCOS and finding ways to minimize the impact
- Getting a positive pregnancy test
- Able to face the emotional roller coaster that is infertility treatment
- Fertile Yoga
- Are healthy and young enough to be able to consider fertility treatment
- Producing enough follicles to go through In Vitro Fertilization
- Able to do IUI’s (Intra uterine inseminations) with a high probability of success
- Have the financial resources to continue treatment even without insurance coverage
- Professional therapists who have the ability to make us see things differently, espcially our feelings
- Nurses who are approachable and compassionate
- A fertility program where you are treated as a whole person and not a walking diagnosis
- Getting your period after three or four months
- Ultrasound showing a heartbeat
- A painless transfer
- A nutritionist that is not judgemental, but really really helpful
- A retrieval that goes smoothly and easily
- Live in a day and age where third party reproductive technology is available
- Can compare one fertility specialist (board certified reproductive endocrinologist) to another and pick one who is the best fit
- Having access to complementary programs that enhance your chances of conception
- Not strangling your friend/family member/co-worker/boss/partner/waitress who asks yet again when you are going to have a baby
- Live in a state where it’s mandated that infertility is covered by insurance
- Passion tea
- Able to turn to a partner for help and support
- Ultrasound showing a sac
- Feeling hope that this time the cycle will work and there will be a baby at the end of the rainbow
What goes on your list? Share your ideas in the comments and we'll build a new list together. I’m grateful to you, my community, my group who gets it--for reading, for commenting, for caring.
Lisa Rosenthal's Google+
Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal. ~Henry Ford
I wonder if we all think we are alone in this.
We see all the people around us, helping. Wonderful doctors, clinicians, support services. We see them. We even feel that they are there.
I know from speaking to patients that RMACT feels like a safe haven. That they know they are surrounded by people, professionals, who are devoted to their goal.
Having a baby.
Overcoming their infertility struggles.
I like Henry Ford's quote. And I paired it this morning with the picture for a specific reason.
Keep your eye on the goal and don't do it alone.
That's my mantra for today.
I don't mind sharing that with you if it makes sense to you too.
You're trying to conceive, carry and give birth to a baby.
That's your goal.
You don't have to do it alone. We are here. In lots of different ways.
Our Integrated and Fertility Wellness Program includes acupuncture, nutrition, mental health support, Fertile Yoga, and peer support.
You don't have to do it alone.
Our goal is the same as yours.
To help you become pregnant and have a baby.
Keep your eye on the goal and don't do it alone.
Mantra for the day.